REAL REVIEW

An entertaining movie, much like a good meal, is worth the price you pay. And even though a bad movie, unlike a bad meal, probably won’t give you the runs, paying $10 dollars to see it will make you feel like shit.

Halloween (2007)

rzhalloween.jpg 

Beware… Coming Soon.

Vacancy

vacancy.jpg

Some movies you go into expecting the world, and when you are instead confronted with mind numbing mediocrity, you tear up the ticket, and lambaste the film to anyone who will listen. I think films like Waterworld fall victim to this. Waterworld was not a good film, but it wasn’t Earth-shatteringly bad either. However, the expectations got the best of it, and it quickly became the whipping boy for big budget bombs. Read the rest of this entry »

Zodiac

zodiac1_large.gif 

 

 

Production Budget: 15 Pesos

 

Worldwide Gross: $82,763,748 (You people should

be ashamed of yourselves)

 

I was going to pass on writing a review for this movie because despite what you may think, actually, despite what most people say about me, and directly contrary to what my girlfriend would tell you, I do have the slightest shred of integrity. So, I must confess, I didn’t watch this entire movie.  To be quite honest, about thirty minutes into the film, my Real Review counterpart and I started fast-forwarding through the movie, first at 4x, and when that proved to be woefully inadequate, at 8x. Remarkably, the movie still managed to move slower than a filled to capacity short bus in the break down lane. Read the rest of this entry »

Knocked Up

Production Budget: 30M

Worldwide Gross: 165.8M

Knocked Up can be summarized in two words: mindless fun. On numerous occasions, I found myself laughing pretty damn hard, at stuff that was pretty damn mindless. For this reason alone, though, I would consider Knocked Up successful in that it accomplishes what every comedy sets out to do: make us giggle and chuckle like a bunch of pre-pubescent school boys. A note of warning though: the tone and acting in which this movie is presented is pretty damn ridiculous. A point I will elucidate later in my review. Read the rest of this entry »

Premonition

premonition-poster.jpg

Production budget: $20m

Worldwide Gross: $74.5m

At times this film confuses itself with a good movie. Then, without warning, it comes crashing back to Earth with stretches that fall desperately short of the mark. Essentially, the plot follows Linda Hanson (Bullock), as her world falls apart around her. The movie begins with Linda waking up to her normal routine. An empty bed devoid of her husband, two daughters who need to go to school, and the mundane tasks of a house wife, really spark the viewers’ interest. (Ah, the glorious life of the unemployed, how I again yearn for thee.) However, the busy day of Home Depot runs and dry cleaning pickups takes a serious turn for the worse when Bullock is visited by a local police officer. The officer gives her the crushing news of her husband’s death. This scene is one of the few Read the rest of this entry »

Superbad

superbad-bigposter.jpg

Production Budget: 20M

Worldwide Gross: 68.5M

I would like to thank the Boston Globe and the Hollywood Reporter for giving this movie a C. Without consistent, accurate, and well thought out reviewing like that, I would have never started reviewing movies in the first place. It’s because of blowhards like Stephen Farber (Hollywood Reporter), and Welsey Morris (Globe), that this blog exists. Gentlemen, if this is a C movie, my first girlfriend was a C cup, and that was in third grade… so not so much. If this movie is a C, than Stevie Wonder can SEE. If this movie is a C, than I give up, because I thought it was “elbow your neighbor” and “high five a total stranger” funny. It filled the theater with laughs, at times groans, but it filled the theater consistently with chatter. It has lovable-loser characters, moments of uncontrollable hilarity, the requisite level of emotional attachment, and the number one comedic element in recently successful comedies: The loser guys that just can’t get laid. Read the rest of this entry »

Disturbia

Production Budget: 20M

Worldwide Gross: 91.7M

(Movie Spoiler – if you wanna call it that with this movie.)

Since Disturbia came out in theaters, I wanted to see it. I actually planned on several occasions to go, but despite my better efforts, it just never happened (I guess I was actually busy or something; I know, shocking). When I finally did pick up a copy of the DVD yesterday at work, I waited all night until my shift was over so I could finally see what all the hype was about. After all, I had heard on numerous occasions that Disturbia was “good.” When I got home I wasted little time, throwing the DVD into my 360, eagerly anticipating thrills that, unfortunately – and even strangely – never came. Read the rest of this entry »