REAL REVIEW

An entertaining movie, much like a good meal, is worth the price you pay. And even though a bad movie, unlike a bad meal, probably won’t give you the runs, paying $10 dollars to see it will make you feel like shit.

Zodiac

zodiac1_large.gif 

 

 

Production Budget: 15 Pesos

 

Worldwide Gross: $82,763,748 (You people should

be ashamed of yourselves)

 

I was going to pass on writing a review for this movie because despite what you may think, actually, despite what most people say about me, and directly contrary to what my girlfriend would tell you, I do have the slightest shred of integrity. So, I must confess, I didn’t watch this entire movie.  To be quite honest, about thirty minutes into the film, my Real Review counterpart and I started fast-forwarding through the movie, first at 4x, and when that proved to be woefully inadequate, at 8x. Remarkably, the movie still managed to move slower than a filled to capacity short bus in the break down lane.

After researching this movie, I learned that, mysteriously, most people enjoyed it. Some people even called it ‘fascinating’, however, it elicited the following comments from the Real Review Round Table Discussion:

· I mean, honestly, I think I would rather **** shards of glass than watch that movie beginning to end.
· It is literally a waste of life.  My life.
· I just s**t in my mouth, and threw up in my pants.

I don’t think I can be more forthright than that. Frankly, this movie sucked. It was slow, agonizingly boring, and directed by someone with no sense of suspense. Unfortunately, considering the fact that so many people liked it, I have self diagnosed a combination of Attention Deficit Disorder, and hemorrhoids, because if I had to sit through this movie again, especially without 8x, not only would my ass burn, but boredom would consume and destroy my simple, hyperactive mind.

Bad - Through the neighbors window If you plan on seeing this movie… Don’t.  If you insist… Still don’t.

~Jared and Josh:  Utterly confused.

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1 Comment»

  joshua cantin wrote @

I would give my first born away if it meant i didn’t have to watch one more second of this movie. Id rather be subject to chinese torture than watch five more seconds of this film.


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