REAL REVIEW

An entertaining movie, much like a good meal, is worth the price you pay. And even though a bad movie, unlike a bad meal, probably won’t give you the runs, paying $10 dollars to see it will make you feel like shit.

Archive for Pathfinder

Pathfinder

pathfinder2007.jpg

Production Budget: $45M

Worldwide Gross: $26.4M

This is the Ford Escort of movies. It’s comes across as kind of cheap, seems like it may go somewhere for a while, then leaves you stranded and pissed. It is an underwhelming and unsuccessful attempt to merge two good movies, 300 and Apocalypto, into one.

Long before Columbus sailed the ocean blue, before Europeans started handing out small-pox laced blankets like they were ‘Tootsie-Rolls’ on Halloween, and before some guy James named a town after himself…a Norse boy was abandoned along the Eastern Coast of what would become the United States. That boy would be discovered by a Native America tribe, who found him in the ruins of a Viking shipwreck, and raised him as their own. When the boy reaches adulthood, the Vikings return to ransack, pillage, rape, and grunt, as if they never left.

The natives, outmanned, and at the immense disadvantage of wood weapons against iron, have their weapons broken, again and again, and again, and again, before being systematically murdered by the grunting, large, hairy Vikings. After several plodding battles between an army that resembles hundreds of chubakka’s, and the natives, the boy, now all grown up, takes it upon himself to defend his new people (the little defenseless ones with wooden weapons), against his old people (the big hairy ones).

From there the story plods along. It has some nice imagery which reminded me of 300, in VERY brief flashes. It also had some decent action. Unfortunately though, the movie falls largely flat. It is a repeat of something we have seen hundreds of times, only before, it was done better. This film ads nothing new to the genre, and comes across as rushed and completely mediocre.

As mentioned earlier, there are some very nice visuals. The bad guys are certainly bad, which is nice. They grunt alot, which makes me dislike them. They are hairy, which makes them appear unpleasant. They are large, which gives the natives a David to Goliath type empathy, which is good. But all in all, the bad guys do bad things, and the good guys do good things. It is simply not enough to carry the conflict without some more genuine development.

I’ve seen some very bad movies, and this one is slightly less bad than those.

Below Average - Illegal Download For the best bang for your buck, I recommend strongly that you download this movie illegally from the internet.

~Jared

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